Sometimes we all feel a sense of dejavu, when our minds pull us back into the forgotten reality of the past. And we're stuck. Trying to reminisce but we can't, because this feeling, this inextricable sensation cannot be pinpointed. So we're constantly, constantly trying to bring it back. The memory. The moment that we can't remember. Then as fast as dejavu unconciously traces through our minds, it disappears and we're standing in the midst of all the mental confusion. Lost. Just for a split second. Then as world spins, we're forced out of the blank atmosphere of nothing, and nothing happens. We realize that somethings can never be grasped because of its transiecne, and then that meaning, in that single moment, is lost forever because we couldn't grasp it the moment it breathed. Life is unfair. Sometimes.

Drip, Drip, Dripping

Now, here in America we all understand that poverty exsists, however we rarely ever experience the intensity of its prevelance. In third world countries, poverty dominates the esteem in which the society holds itself. It twists morality into something that applies only to those who are able to bend their survival instincts and break barriers sorrounding their willing hearts. In China, the poverty... is intense, and as an American I stuck my nose in the air and denied the sympathy I felt. Everyday, I walked down the street with my mother, going from store to store, experiencing the Chinese culture. And everyday, I ignored the row of small cement...(how shall I put this? they weren't even houses. It was four walls and a ceiling, the size of my bathroom with dirt floors and a long peice of cloth hanging over where the door should have been). Everytime I walked by, I saw an old man sitting outside on a stool, fanning himself, while his grandson (couldn't have been more than 5 years old) played in the front, stepping on bugs and collecting rocks. I did not care for this... Until, my last day. It was a hot day. The grandson was outside screaming and crying. Shouting at his grandfather "I'm hungry!" With his grandfather desperately trying to console him. Finally losing his temper he screamed, "We have no more food!" Then the little kid ran in and grabbed what seemed to have been his bath tub and screamed, "Then I want to take a bath!" The grandfather grabbed the small tub and said "With what? We have no water! Where do you want me to get water? We have none."..... The kid could not have been more than 5 years old, and his grandfather was old. And they lived a one room house with dirt floors and no door. Poverty is intense. Can you picture this? Can you picture this REALITY where water and food is not available? I remembered this moment today while I was sitting in the kitchen, listening to the faucet drip, drip, dripping.

Conversations

I'm tired of always being stupid or having retarded conversations. Its nice sometimes to understand another peron's intelligence. Conversations that go like this... "hey... you're stupid... no your mom is... etc"... is outdated. we're all young adults. grow up. Not necessarily grow up as in, ban silliness! but decrease the negativity please. And sometimes I want to have conversations with people. It doesn't even hafto be on a specific topic. Lets talk about how the rain disrupts or adds order to our lives. Or why they use the analogy of "the birds and the bees" to explain Life to children. And lets converse about cartoons we used to watch, games we used to play, people we used to admire. I guess I feel a sense of nostalgia as high school is coming to an end, and I wanna leave high school mature enough to be... well i'm not sure. I guess I sound like a nerd.. trying to have "discussions" outa school and its too anal to always "discuss." I don't think its too anal, if this blog is making it out to be that I wanna be all technical and intelligent all the time... then i'm doing a bad job of communicating. what I really mean in here... People... lets talk, I've known the majority of you all for a real long time... and i barely know anything.

What's my favorite color?

Gawsh. I'm so disappointed. Has the world forgotten its meaning? Is its importance no longer true against the peer pressures of society? Privacy; a long forgotten word. Its annoying when people continuously inquire about my actions. Sometimes... everything should be on a need to know basis, well I guess I shouldn't say that because I am a busybody. Gossip = Bad... but most people can't help it. There's no use denying that everyone likes to learn the juicy details of another person's life. Why? because it reminds us that we are all living, breathing, functioning human beings. No one goes through life without a single mistake, and everyone has something another person wants... or wants something another person has. And gossip assures us that the world is spinning because nothing is perfect. If you don't like gossip... keep your shit to yourself.

I found something really interesting...

Kinda harsh. However... its true?

Like the CocaCola commercial. Who's seen it? I wrote a folklore story for school the other day, its called "The Moon Lady." Today I printed out an extra copy, and when my dad was walking past my room, I said, "Hey dad, you want to read a story I wrote for school?" And to my surprise... he said "Sure." Then he took my paper, went to his room, turned off the TV, sat down in his chair, and started reading. I stood there for a second contemplating whether or not to believe he was actually going to read it. Because my dad's first language is not English... and for him to read my paper after months of SAT vocabulary I concluded that he wasn't going to read it thoroughly. At most, I thought, he'd skim it for the main story line. I went back to my room and organized my school supplies (because I'm such a nerd). Then after a while I went back to his room expecting him to be reading the newspaper... but again... I was surprised. He was still reading my story. Still... reading my paper. My dad was actually Reading it. Does anyone understand how... in that moment... how I felt? How much Gratitude I felt... after weeks of torturing my dad for Car Insurance... I felt ashamed. Although this does not change the fact that I still very much want car insurance, I'm going to try... to look for a better way.

Learning something new everyday.